Going by their wildly differing estimates of the global rate of deforestation, none of the environmental NGOs seems to understand units of measurement. Quite often m²/ha/km² are confused.

I think it is time for a whole new system of unit measurements, so whole units of area shall now be known as TSoW’s – areas “the size of Wales”. For instance, “an area of forest TSoW is chopped down every day”. These can be broken down into smaller units known as FPs (areas equal to a football pitch).

Linear units shall no longer be metres, millimetres, feet or inches. They will now be known as NCs (for things as tall as Nelson’s Column, like trees) or DDBs (for things the size of double decker buses, such as threatened animal species).

Once they have mastered these simple measurements, we can move onto the more complicated units of volume. Instead of cubic metres or litres, what we need are OSPs (for volumes of gases or liquids that would fill one or more Olympic swimming pools, such as methane from cows). For bigger volumes these could be replaced by AHs (Albert Halls).

Such measurements can also be regionalised so that everyone can understand. Thus we could use BTs, YPs, SLMs and ESBs (Blackpool Towers, Yorkshiremen’s pockets, Sugar Loaf Mountains and Empire State Buildings) and many more.

Peter Jackson
Sales manager
PT Agencies Ltd